margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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