Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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