Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
