There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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