First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize