Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
