win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
