dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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