he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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