Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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