i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
