Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
whose parrot is this?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
