Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
