Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
