i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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