Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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