Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
