im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
