No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
