I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize