Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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