how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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