the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
