All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
