So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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