Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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