dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
