Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
