I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
