Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize