I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let's paint friendship bongs
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
