If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
