When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
