I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
