I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
