She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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