So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
