I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize