Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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