put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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