How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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