we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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