my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
