i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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