I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
