well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
