So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
just found out that she named her cat after me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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