i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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