I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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