I got chris browned last night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
