In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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