OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
