Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
