Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
