is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
