you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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