Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
