I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
