She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
