Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can text with my tongue
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
