Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
