She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
