Non-Jews are for practice
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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