that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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