So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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