STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
