I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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